Today I went to get my watch battery changed. Everything about that store reminded me of my dad. The Mag Light Flashlights, the country music – not that he liked country music, he preferred ACDC – and the remote control helicopters for sale. My dad passed away two months ago yesterday. I miss him. It is the little things that remind me of him. He was the one who used to always change my watch batteries. Today I went to a battery and bulb shop to get my watch batteries replaced. I am not replacing my dad. I am pursuing and finding others to fulfill the role he was meant to fill. That is what I know to do. Xx
I wrote this December 4, 2013, and just found it.
The past week has been. It was a short week at school due to Thanksgiving break. We stayed up way to late because we decided to watch the entire series of Arrow. Then Lord Lucha was sick so he took off work. So I took off work to take care of him. I avoided my preach assignment. We celebrated Lord Lucha’s birthday.
I have definitely lived a life of shoulds. I am done with that. I will live in the moment of now.
Self hatred, self punishment
They really suck
Like thinking I can change me
By spending a buck
What if I don’t need to be changed
Refined sugar is bad for you?
Raw being bruised
It has not been my best week of connecting
Rather running and avoiding
Trying to stay busy
With my head in here clouds
When the true cloud looks down
His face He wants to shine on me
He is not into punishing
Only connecting and going deep
What a good Father you are!
Teach me how to be right on par.
Lift up your countenance upon me
Reveal your delight again and again
I love, need and embrace you
One area of life I would love to improve in is fashion. It is said that who you are speaks through what you wear. I grew up in a small town in Oklahoma and it seemed acceptable to go to the store in pajamas. Dressing up meant putting on a pair of hoop earrings and wearing some nice boots with your t-shirt and jeans. Of course dark jeans would look nicer than a light pair. There were three times a year when I would really go all out – Easter, Prom, and Christmas, with the exception of an occasional wedding. A lot of my friends would start tanning in tanning beds a couple months before prom. I would not tan in a tanning bed, but I would get a spray tan. Looking back now I realize orange glowing skin was a little bit excessive just to look great for one night. If I would have realized how beautiful I really was and learned to be comfortable in my own skin that would have shined through the most. Yet I embrace who I was and press on the be the best.
Then I moved to Australia where almost all of my friends had a natural fashion sense. I learned a lot there. Now I have begun my journey of dressing to reflect me. I asked a friend who is always beautifully dressed and she told me to start a new board on Pinterest and post things that I love, whether it was crazy, outrageous or plain. She challenged me not to stick to what looks comfortable. I made a board and started pinning. When I looked back over the board I realized that it all looked very similar. She had a look and described the style that I like as “Classic/Minimalist.” I have the privilege of going shopping with her next week so she can teach me a few things and show me some basics. I also came across a celebrity named Olivia Palermo. I like her sense of fashion and hope to glean from studying her a bit more. I added a couple pictures of her so you have an idea of what I am starting to love!
PS Maybe Lord Lucha will get on board and get some ideas from Palermo’s significant other…
The word that I had for this second year of school was relationship. I believe that included relationship with God, myself, Lord Lucha, and with others. Someone who I admire asked me if I have the community surrounding me that I want. The answer was no. I was not happy with myself and felt as if I had failed. She assured me that potentially failure would have been getting to the day of graduation and not having had that conversation. My challenge was to schedule in one to two hours a week that can be dedicated to investing in relationships and community. Now is the perfect time to make some new connections and to deepen and steward the connections I already have. God’s grace is readily available. I desire community because I know there is more available. There is strength and rejuvenation in healthy community.
May God open the doors of our hearts that can be wide open for the perfect connections to happen. May He shut the doors that need not be open any longer.
Seeking community and grace once more,
Lady Lucha Xx
Pictured bellow is a picture of our new mustache shower curtain. I am pleased with this purchase.
I am beginning to realize that my perfectly ideal day may include a couple of hours creating in the kitchen. Some other details of an ideal day might include not rushing to get anywhere, quality time with Lord Lucha, a run outside, and a hot caffeinated beverage of some kind. What does an ideal day look like for you?
Realizing what I love,
Lady Lucha Xx
Below is a picture of homemade chocolate chips that I concocted today.
When I named this blog I wanted to name it something that covered a broad spectrum. Most blog writers suggest to find something specific and to target a specific audience. I still stand by the broad spectrum that the name can encompass. Yet when I named it, “From the Heart of Lady Lucha” I am unsure if I was even in touch with my heart at the time. I have been on a journey of finding what makes me come alive, discovering what truly makes the blood pump through my veins. I had always heard the phrase “follow your heart” yet for some reason I never believed I could. I did not really trust my heart. I was given permission to feel again, to trust my heart. For that opportunity I am very grateful. There is a tension. Some people are led by their emotions and ignore gentle leadings from Holy Spirit or truthful wisdom from the community surrounding them because they do not “feel” like it. I am not suggesting to have that type of behavior. I am inviting you to be fully alive, to allow light to consume every part of your life – present, past and future, and to allow yourself to be whole in every part of your being. As Solomon wrote in the book of Proverbs 4:23, “So above all, guard the affections of your heart for they affect all that you are, out of your innermost being flows the wellspring of life.”
From my ❤️ Xx
The leaves are changing color and beginning to fall outside, the temperature is significantly cooler at night, and I got my hair dyed. When I first began working as in home support it was the beginning of summer. In the first couple weeks we took Miss Martha’s winter clothes out of the closet, put summer clothes in, and packed the winter clothes away. Just this week we did the opposite. We unpacked the warmer winter clothes and packed the cooler summer clothes away. Pumpkin Spice Lattes came out awhile ago and the first day of Autumn was a few weeks back, but those moments barely fazed me. The action of packing away summer clothes was the blatantly obvious sign of season change to me.
The word God gave me for this season was “relationship.” I felt like that meant relationship with Him and relationship with other people. I look back on relationships from last year I realize that they may not have been exactly how I hoped and I did not get all the connection I was desiring. I definitely connected with some amazing people and made some amazing friends, not to detract from them at all. I am hoping to deepen the relationships I gained last year and am also loving making new connections this year.
We had a “Holy Spirit Day” in school where there were certain times and locations allotted and we were to ask Holy Spirit which time and location to show up to. I chose Mod 4 in the afternoon. At one point someone asked those who felt like they were not connecting in community or family to raise their hands. I felt like I had that to a certain degree, but I knew that I had not connected with friends the way that I wanted and I raised my hand. Three guys were going to pray for me and I told them that I was struggling to connect with friends and community. As they were praying for me Holy Spirit reminded me of something that Eric Johnson had said earlier in class that day. Eric said, “Desperation comes from a place of believing there is lack. Hunger comes from a place of knowing what is available and recognizing there is more.” In that moment I realized that I had orphan thinking in regards to relationships. I was desperate to connect and I needed to connect because all I could see was what was lacking. I repented quickly and asked Holy Spirit to teach me to desire relationships and friendships in a healthy way.
Last week during Revival Group we had an open panel where we were able to ask the interns questions. Lord Lucha asked how they have navigated relationships during their three years of school. One of the interns responded, “With tears.” We all laughed with this knowing that what she said was true. She explained how we can have a tendency to feel like it is easier to connect on a surface level with people especially since we know some of the people are going to leave at the end of nine months. This specific intern assured us that the pain of having people who you have connected with deeply move away, move on, or merely end up in different groups was totally worth it. The necessity to know and be known is totally worth the pain of them possibly not be directly involved in our lives in the next season.
Another intern said to ask God to highlight who we are supposed to connect with in this season. I was frustrated with this response because I knew that. At first I had a really hard time figuring out who God was highlighting. I actually had an easier time recognizing who He was not highlighting to me. Thankfully, it has become a bit more clear now. I am looking forward to developing healthy connections and seeing what friendships He surprises me with.
In the past week I have experienced the pain of realizing a season shift in regards to my relationships. Some of my friends have moved or are moving away, some are not as close as they were before, some are just super busy. Pain is a good thing. It means that those people mean something to me, they impact my heart, and that I love them. As soon as I recognized the pain, I thanked God for those friends and relationships. I am thoroughly loving the community I am apart of now. They have a heart connection with me. They love me with the good, bad and ugly. To be a part of family and community is to see and be seen, to know and be known, to connect and be connected.
Relationships have been my biggest place of challenge and breakthrough thus far in this season. What season are you in right now? What is God saying about your current season? Who is God highlighting to you? Have you taken time to ask? I challenge you to ask. There is grace for the season you are in. Breakthroughs that are available to you in this season will come easier if you recognize what the season is. Whether the leaves are falling, snow is piling up, sun is shining, or flowers are blooming for you, recognize that God wants to fully be a part. What He really wants is you and your heart. He wants connection with you. God desires to see you, to know you and to be seen and known by you.