The leaves are changing color and beginning to fall outside, the temperature is significantly cooler at night, and I got my hair dyed. When I first began working as in home support it was the beginning of summer. In the first couple weeks we took Miss Martha’s winter clothes out of the closet, put summer clothes in, and packed the winter clothes away. Just this week we did the opposite. We unpacked the warmer winter clothes and packed the cooler summer clothes away. Pumpkin Spice Lattes came out awhile ago and the first day of Autumn was a few weeks back, but those moments barely fazed me. The action of packing away summer clothes was the blatantly obvious sign of season change to me.
The word God gave me for this season was “relationship.” I felt like that meant relationship with Him and relationship with other people. I look back on relationships from last year I realize that they may not have been exactly how I hoped and I did not get all the connection I was desiring. I definitely connected with some amazing people and made some amazing friends, not to detract from them at all. I am hoping to deepen the relationships I gained last year and am also loving making new connections this year.
We had a “Holy Spirit Day” in school where there were certain times and locations allotted and we were to ask Holy Spirit which time and location to show up to. I chose Mod 4 in the afternoon. At one point someone asked those who felt like they were not connecting in community or family to raise their hands. I felt like I had that to a certain degree, but I knew that I had not connected with friends the way that I wanted and I raised my hand. Three guys were going to pray for me and I told them that I was struggling to connect with friends and community. As they were praying for me Holy Spirit reminded me of something that Eric Johnson had said earlier in class that day. Eric said, “Desperation comes from a place of believing there is lack. Hunger comes from a place of knowing what is available and recognizing there is more.” In that moment I realized that I had orphan thinking in regards to relationships. I was desperate to connect and I needed to connect because all I could see was what was lacking. I repented quickly and asked Holy Spirit to teach me to desire relationships and friendships in a healthy way.
Last week during Revival Group we had an open panel where we were able to ask the interns questions. Lord Lucha asked how they have navigated relationships during their three years of school. One of the interns responded, “With tears.” We all laughed with this knowing that what she said was true. She explained how we can have a tendency to feel like it is easier to connect on a surface level with people especially since we know some of the people are going to leave at the end of nine months. This specific intern assured us that the pain of having people who you have connected with deeply move away, move on, or merely end up in different groups was totally worth it. The necessity to know and be known is totally worth the pain of them possibly not be directly involved in our lives in the next season.
Another intern said to ask God to highlight who we are supposed to connect with in this season. I was frustrated with this response because I knew that. At first I had a really hard time figuring out who God was highlighting. I actually had an easier time recognizing who He was not highlighting to me. Thankfully, it has become a bit more clear now. I am looking forward to developing healthy connections and seeing what friendships He surprises me with.
In the past week I have experienced the pain of realizing a season shift in regards to my relationships. Some of my friends have moved or are moving away, some are not as close as they were before, some are just super busy. Pain is a good thing. It means that those people mean something to me, they impact my heart, and that I love them. As soon as I recognized the pain, I thanked God for those friends and relationships. I am thoroughly loving the community I am apart of now. They have a heart connection with me. They love me with the good, bad and ugly. To be a part of family and community is to see and be seen, to know and be known, to connect and be connected.
Relationships have been my biggest place of challenge and breakthrough thus far in this season. What season are you in right now? What is God saying about your current season? Who is God highlighting to you? Have you taken time to ask? I challenge you to ask. There is grace for the season you are in. Breakthroughs that are available to you in this season will come easier if you recognize what the season is. Whether the leaves are falling, snow is piling up, sun is shining, or flowers are blooming for you, recognize that God wants to fully be a part. What He really wants is you and your heart. He wants connection with you. God desires to see you, to know you and to be seen and known by you.